I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
