Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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