I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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