If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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