I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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