he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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