I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
