wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
