I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
tell me about the eggs
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