i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
