glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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