pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
