I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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