i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
