You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
