The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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