Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
