I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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