in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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