Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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