My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
