he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
