Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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