Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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