So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
