my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
