Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
