Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My vagina is officially offended.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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