Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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