I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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