I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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