Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
