you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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