I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
jump out the window naked night went bad
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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