Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
