I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
