I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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