dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
