Your face is a jimmy john
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dicks are not precious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
