He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
