i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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