i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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