someone threw a dead crab at me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
