Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
