The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My bed smells like the plague
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
