do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
