ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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