kristin has been a bad kristin
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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