i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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