she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
