She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
