I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
