I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize