Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
