You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She even gives head with a lisp.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
