then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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