Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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