He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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