If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
