I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
