he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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