So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
