i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
