god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm at about main and main street
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
