i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
