Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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