what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
