Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
