Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
