Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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