apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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