Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
how does that bad decision feel?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
