similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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