so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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