No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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