After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
