I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
