Sober January is a disaster.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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