Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
