I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
