I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
