new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize