i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
