Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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