Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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