there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
