Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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