1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
